Welcome!
Hurting is part of healing. It reminds you that you're still alive.
We were raised under the manipulation of a cult.
WT wants us to be as helpless as little children, emotionally weak, and dependent up others for any sense of self-worth. We were fed a steady diet of FOG - fear, obligation, and guilt.
In my personal journey out, I was able to receive free professional counseling at the university, which helped me immensely. One of the things that it helped me to do was differentiating between how WT had conditioned me to feel about things vs. how I really felt about things vs. how reality was different than all these "feelings".
That is a lesson I still come back and visit frequently. I still often "feel" or think that I "should feel" lonely, depressed, anxious, stressed. In reality, my circumstances are filled with opportunity and I have every reason to be happy and optimistic! Although I sometimes "feel lonely", I stop and ask "who do I want to be around right now?" First answer is, "not a JW who will police what I say or do." And typically I continue, "I've been around people all week, being alone is nice so I can eat, watch, do what I want, when I want."
Good luck with everything... PARTICULARLY WITH COMPLETING YOUR EDUCATION!
WT could take away my position in the congregation and separate me from most of the "friends" I have known. But they can never take away my engineering degree!
"Holy Crap! These ex-JWs are getting degrees and going on to live happy, successful lives! Turn up the FOG!"
